First and foremost, I started this blog as a form of therapy: a place where I could voice my hopes and fears, and work through some of my frustrations. Last winter, when I was so sick, I felt a sense of hopelessness creeping in, and I needed to do something about it. This blog was my way of taking back a little control, and re-narrating my life in a way that made sense. I began to piece together a new sense of self that had room for the woman I know as “Megan,” and the new identities and labels that were crowding her out: patient, chronically ill, lupus, RA, depressed, unhappy.
Somewhere along the way, I started “meeting” other people with chronic illnesses, through their blogs and twitter, and suddenly I had a readership (perhaps mostly fictional, but a few hardy souls kept reading) and a sense of connection. The load seemed somehow easier to bear. And some of the labels started to seem less and less a part of me, while the others felt more manageable. As I continue to blog, I find that it’s the chance to engage and connect that keeps me coming back, as well as the knowledge that there may be someone out there like me, feeling scared and alone, who will read my words and realize that she’s not the only one, that her pain and fear are real, but that there is life with chronic illness.
When I was younger, I made several blogging attempts and failed each time. I had the desire to write, but I didn’t know what to write about. And so my blogs languished in corners of the internet, mildly solipsistic and eventually abandoned. This little experiment–Objects in Mirror are Closer than They Appear—is now just over a year old. I won’t claim it doesn’t have its solipsistic moments, I am human after all, but I feel like I finally have something to say and the place to say it. Plenty of days I feel like I have more to say than I will ever be able to contain in these little snippets of my perceptions, thoughts, and feelings.
So thank you for reading, whomever you are, and know that I write for you, even if I don’t know you yet.
This post is part of the WEGO Health Activist Writer’s Month Challenge (HAWMC). During the month of April I will be writing a daily blog post related to health and health activism, often inspired by or in response to a prompt. For more information on HAWMC, visit the WEGO Health blog.